On this day 25th Sept 2020 my book Grace Saved A Wretch Like Me was launched.
And although it has been one of the most terrifying things I have ever done in my life, it has also been one of most worthwhile. As a young child I innocently believed that all adults were here to take care of we children, to keep us safe - not to hurt us. Because several adults abused me, I thought that must mean that I was born unlovable and not worthy of protection and safety.
I and many other survivors of abuse carry these kind of beliefs and feelings into our adulthood where we struggle to live with the devastating impact of the trauma we were forced to endure as children. Like me, many adults who were abused as children often believe they are inferior, worthless, and unlovable not only because of how they were treated but also because in some instances the abuser told them so directly. By the time I became an adult I had years of practice of thinking negatively about myself, the world, and the people in it.
New education and awareness around the topic of child sexual abuse is slowly changing society’s view around the issue, yet many survivors continue to live with the burden of silence. Sadly, countless people have undoubtedly carried the secret and the pain of their abuse into their old age and some, to their graves. Adult survivors often do not disclose they have been abused as children because although in a lot of cases many years have passed, survivors are still afraid of the consequences of telling someone about what had happened to them. The risk of not being believed by the people we love most, added to the risk of not being believed by everyone else, - not to mention the risk of not being believed by the authorities, including social services, the police and possibly a judge and jury are, for many survivors risks not worth taking.
Over 40 million children worldwide are abused each year and it occurs at every socioeconomic level, across all ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions, and at every level of education, yet as a society we are much more comfortable to ignore or to deny this reality. It is so much easier to judge how the adult survivor of childhood abuse tries to manage their pain. The sadness in this is, if anyone had asked me where my pain was coming from, I could have told them how the trauma of my past experiences was constantly driving my need for something, anything, that would give me relief from the torture of my mind and the unimaginable destruction of my spirit. The life stories of those who have become addicted show a very clear pattern – most have had traumatic and over-whelming life experiences. As a result of these experiences, they have struggled with unmanageable emotions and began using substances in an attempt to overcome the pain caused by the trauma they have experienced.
Grace Saved A Wretch Like Me has sold and continues to sell, many copies and I am always over-whelmed and very grateful for that. But the real 'success' of telling my story is in the responses I have received from other survivors and their families. Telling my story has given others the opportunity to tell theirs, in whatever way is right for them. Not everyone wants to write a book or needs to make a public declaration but we all want and need to be heard. When we speak and someone listens without judgement or criticism, it is only then that our healing can begin.........
'Thank you' to everyone who has read my story and for all the amazing responses I have received. Without doubt, you have all added to the joy of my ongoing recovery
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